To my AGO friends, With a heavy heart... prayers needed.

**mwoolfso** · 01-31-2016, 10:02 AM

Best of luck all around, and of course thoughts and prayers. True courage, loyalty and honor in this thread for sure!!!

**RPM_BR** · 01-31-2016, 06:47 PM

Dear Cardaddy and Carmomma friends
It is pretty difficult to read your post without some unwanted tears popping out in my eyes.
You guys are in my prayers, hoping it will travel several thousand miles to your family.
It is all in God's hands, as always have been, may you find the strength needed to go through this difficult time.
Peace, love and faith.
RPM

**cardaddy** · 02-03-2016, 09:58 PM

Thank you all... again... for your hopes and prayers.

You know... we all hope when our time comes, it'll be fast, easy, and as painless as possible. This one, with Papa Fred... hit us like a freight train! BTW... he retired from Norfolk Southern, where he put in almost 40 years on those freight trains that he, to this day, loves very much. They bought him out with less than 2 years, which he took, but then regretted it because he loved it so much.

RPM_BR, thanks to you my friend for feeling what I'm feeling... and sharing that here. Trust me when I say, I *really* understand, and appreciate your words.

Today has been a hard one for me, waterworks all morning. I was the one that had the blessing of sharing his last conversations with him. I was the one he told the things that he wanted someone to hear, before he (I think knew) wouldn't be able to say anymore. And it was ME that sat there with him through that first week in the hospital (when his own son took 10 days to show up, and didn't get here till after he was in recovery from the brain surgery) and was able to ask him things that I wish I'd asked my own father, 10 years ago come June.

Today my wife had to make the decision to send him to Hospice. Tomorrow morning she's going to sign the papers at the same place my father was, those 10 years ago. And AGAIN... his son isn't even in the state! (He's expecting to come in at the last minute from what he's said to us.)

Part of it (him not being here) literally infuriates me.... while another part of it makes me sad for him, knowing that one day, in the VERY near future, he'll wish he was sitting with his Daddy and having another conversation, he'll WISH he had those days that I had, to sit, to listen, to have the heart to heart conversations that I was able to share with him before he drifted off 2 weeks ago today. That Tuesday the 19th he was able to sit in the chair at the hospital for 3 hours that afternoon after his second lung biopsy, had his dinner, Deb and her Mother came by, and once he tired we tucked him in, and said goodnight. He's not been able to sit, or speak like that since.

So tomorrow he's moving down here closer, and it'll be his final move. We have no idea how long he'll hold up, as he's not getting a lot worse at a rapid rate, just that he's not responding to treatment. This crazy Nocardia infection is as nasty as anything you can imagine!!! It just will not respond, and takes most that it infects. But we do know that Papa Fred will be comfortable, will not be in pain, and his wishes will be respected just as he planned.

I cannot express the emotion at this time. I honestly don't know if I can walk through those doors again.

Thank you all again for your kind thoughts, prayers, and best wishes.

Tony & Deb

**Sicoupe** · 02-04-2016, 01:48 PM

Still praying for you and your family Tony.

**dad07** · 02-04-2016, 10:34 PM

Originally Posted by cardaddy

Thank you all... again... for your hopes and prayers.

You know... we all hope when our time comes, it'll be fast, easy, and as painless as possible. This one, with Papa Fred... hit us like a freight train! BTW... he retired from Norfolk Southern, where he put in almost 40 years on those freight trains that he, to this day, loves very much. They bought him out with less than 2 years, which he took, but then regretted it because he loved it so much.

RPM_BR, thanks to you my friend for feeling what I'm feeling... and sharing that here. Trust me when I say, I *really* understand, and appreciate your words.

Today has been a hard one for me, waterworks all morning. I was the one that had the blessing of sharing his last conversations with him. I was the one he told the things that he wanted someone to hear, before he (I think knew) wouldn't be able to say anymore. And it was ME that sat there with him through that first week in the hospital (when his own son took 10 days to show up, and didn't get here till after he was in recovery from the brain surgery) and was able to ask him things that I wish I'd asked my own father, 10 years ago come June.

Today my wife had to make the decision to send him to Hospice. Tomorrow morning she's going to sign the papers at the same place my father was, those 10 years ago. And AGAIN... his son isn't even in the state! (He's expecting to come in at the last minute from what he's said to us.)

Part of it (him not being here) literally infuriates me.... while another part of it makes me sad for him, knowing that one day, in the VERY near future, he'll wish he was sitting with his Daddy and having another conversation, he'll WISH he had those days that I had, to sit, to listen, to have the heart to heart conversations that I was able to share with him before he drifted off 2 weeks ago today. That Tuesday the 19th he was able to sit in the chair at the hospital for 3 hours that afternoon after his second lung biopsy, had his dinner, Deb and her Mother came by, and once he tired we tucked him in, and said goodnight. He's not been able to sit, or speak like that since.

So tomorrow he's moving down here closer, and it'll be his final move. We have no idea how long he'll hold up, as he's not getting a lot worse at a rapid rate, just that he's not responding to treatment. This crazy Nocardia infection is as nasty as anything you can imagine!!! It just will not respond, and takes most that it infects. But we do know that Papa Fred will be comfortable, will not be in pain, and his wishes will be respected just as he planned.

I cannot express the emotion at this time. I honestly don't know if I can walk through those doors again.

Thank you all again for your kind thoughts, prayers, and best wishes.

Tony & Deb

Tony my brother,
I am so sorry to here this news....haven't heard from you in awhile and I see why. Please know that our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family my friend.

Your not alone.......I'm just a phone call away, if I can do ANYTHING!

hang in there brother we are here for you.

Tim And Cheryl

**PGBCruiser** · 02-04-2016, 11:07 PM

Just read this for the first time, from first post to most recent.
Praying for your family, for you. Stay strong in faith; and trust that God is the ultimate physician. HIs will is best; and your example of love and dedication is inspiring.
Take care of yourself through all of this; and I'm sure you know our prayers will be with you.
Peter

**Priyaka** · 02-05-2016, 12:38 AM

Originally Posted by cardaddy

I honestly don't know if I can walk through those doors again.

Your love for each other and faith in God will guide you. Prayers sent for you and your family.

**oldmodman** · 02-05-2016, 01:39 AM

Seems like everyone I know is, or has gone through this.

My Mom was diagnosed with advanced lung cancer on the 24th of December. She started radiation on the 26th. She lasted another three months. She was hospitalized on a Monday and it was decided that Hospice care was best for her but she died an hour later.

I still feel that she would have a better end if she had refused all treatment. The radiation took away any chance at a decent last few months.

I hope his discomfort is better controlled than my Mom's.