Asking for a critique my radio ad script

[Rod73]

Hi I'm getting a 15 second spot on a radio station. That will be aired 200 times next month. I am asking for a critique of my lastest draft?

"Most people will never know the true beauty of their vehicles. My name is Rodney Tatum, owner of Mirror Reflections Auto Spa. I offer a detailing service for the customer who places a premium on car care. If you want to take your investment to that next level give me a call at (352)215-9433. Or visit the website at www.mirrorreflectionsautospa.com ."

Your opinions are appreciated, thank you.

[Eldorado2k]

visit my website*

Unless you're keeping your options open for possible future growth.. Which I understand why you would choose to say "our" or "the" instead of "my"
I know...

[Jimmy Vegas]

^second that^

[AZpolisher15]

You may have a reason for wording it the way you did (timing?). But just a couple alternatives to mention:
Instead of saying "I offer a detailing service...", might you instead say "detailing services"?
Also, consider saying "automotive care" instead of "car care"?

"I offer detailing services for the customer who places a premium on automotive care"

[LEDetailing]

I like Eldorado's suggestion. Sounds better too.

I would maybe add "specializing in paint correction and polishing" or something to that effect somewhere in your ad. Or maybe specializing in Ceramic coatings. Whatever your specialty is.

I would change the investment to, "If you want to take your car, truck, or motorcycle to the next level". Investment, most people don't treat their car as an investment. Or change investment to vehicle.

I think your ad would work well as is too. Let us hear the finished product when it airs on the radio.

Thanks for letting us help, or try anyways.

[Rod73]

I'm really liking all of the suggestions right now! Thank you!

[LEDetailing]

One more suggestion, maybe try and get one more "Mirror Reflections Auto Spa" lines in there.

Make them remember your business's name. Good name BTW.

[Eldorado2k]

I like what Harpolith suggested, except for the word "automotive"... I'd stick with "car care" because automotive starts to sound like you're a mechanic. Car care, well think about it.. I'll flat out admit I know nothing about how to be a mechanic, and last thing I need is a customer thinking they can come to me and also get their brakes fixed. Lol.

I clean your car, lady. I don't fix nothin! Lol.

[Rod73]

"Most people will never know the true beauty of their vehicles. My name is Rodney Tatum, owner of Mirror Reflections Auto Spa. Specializing in paint polishing, Mirror Reflections Auto Spa offers detailing services for the customer who places a premium on car care. If you want to take your vehicle to that next level give me a call at (352)215-9433. Or visit my website at www.mirrorreflectionsautospa.com."


I wanted to say 'paint correction' but I used the words 'paint polishing' to make sure the customer understands what I am communicating.

[GSKR]

Keep it simple.Take pride in your ride ! Call Rodney at mirror reflection auto detailing today and receive a 10 percent discount saving ,or visit our web at www.mirror reflection detailing.Ditch auto spa believe me there are people who don't know what spa has to do with cars.for a incentive to bring in business it's either a discount or the 4 letter word free.if you can mention your experience in the the radio add that may help.And don't use your last name.Good luck