Been struggling guys

**Jeremy1976** · 03-16-2017, 08:07 PM

This time of the year is hard for me. My dad who was a USMC Vietnam Combat Veteran and recipient of 3 Purple Hearts, took his life March 19th 2010. Coming up on 7 years this year. The pain doesn't seem to get any easier.

Everytime this year I relive the last couple of weeks and days of his life. Some of the hardest I ever lived. His first suicide attempt was when I was 11. He called me and told me he was taking his life because of me. I carried that around for many years. At one point it was consuming me. I realized my dad was sick and let that demon go.

His fourth and final attempt was successful where he shot himself in a shed in my parents backyard. He struggled terribly with PTSD and other mental illness.

I grew up that day at age 11 and my childhood ended at that time. I took it upon myself to be the man of the house and take care of my mom and sister. He was institutionalized in a VA hospital for 8 months after that attempt.

Sorry if this is pretty deep for the forum guys. I just needed a place to put my emotions. My head is a mess and I am focusing on my beautiful kids and wife to get me through. They are my light and hope.

I think of a lot of you as brothers and family. Even though we have not met in person. Thanks for reading and keep my family and myself in your prayers. It's always hard for me to ask for help. I'm not built that way.

Thanks.

**Sizzle Chest** · 03-16-2017, 08:14 PM

I'm sorry to hear about your loss and the upcoming time of year that brings out your emotions and feelings. I really don't know what else to say, however, you will prevail and deal with this loss. Keep your loved ones close and you will be OK.

Again, my thoughts go out to you and your family.

Regards,
Scott

**PaulMys** · 03-16-2017, 08:27 PM

Although I'm deeply sorry to hear your pain Jeremy, I do not think this post is too deep for the forum.

I feel a brotherhood with all of my forum members as well. Your sadness is understandable. That is a BIG responsibility for a young man to take on.

But, as far I can tell you took that responsibility and ran with it. I have seen the pics of you and your beautiful wife and kids and how much you love them.

I can speak of some horrors in my past, (some very similar to yours) and all I can say on this upcoming anniversary is that you have become a super hero.

Super hero you say?

Yes, a super hero for overcoming your pain to take care of your family after your dad was gone, and certainly a super hero to your wife & kids.

I think I can speak for a lot of guys/girls on here that you are a valued member, and we are all behind you 100% brother.

**AJ Peacock** · 03-16-2017, 08:28 PM

Jeremy,

I'm new to the forum, but not new to life haha.

Just know that our prayers are coming your way.

Also, work hard to focus on the good things and it will help, live in the moment and not in the past.

All good thoughts coming your way!

AJ

**coles_paint_correction** · 03-16-2017, 08:31 PM

Jeremy try to keep pushing man and do stuff to try to get off ur mind, ill keep my prayers ur way brother.
I think we all face inside demons and never try to let anyone really know whats going on or don't want to hurt anyone.
Don't think any of it was ur fault.

**fly07sti** · 03-16-2017, 08:44 PM

I'm so sorry J. Instances like this will never get "easier", but having a solid support group does help. Also being able to talk (like here on AGO) about it helps as well. It'll be three years this May that my son passed away and it's something I never would've thought I could live through, but having my family and friends most definitely helps ease the pain. Every single day we have is a blessing.

**rlmccarty2000** · 03-16-2017, 08:47 PM

Veteran suicide is an epidemic. There is an average of 20 deaths a day by Veterans committing suicide and very little is being done to prevent it. Lip service is given by the Veterans Administration to addressing the issue. At my closest VA Hospital there is currently one psychiatrist on staff out of the eight that are authorized. The hiring system was broken and now Trump has made it worse by instituting a Federal hiring freeze that includes VA hospitals. The VA has cut back the number of visits a Veteran can receive and the amount of time you are allowed to talk to your psychiatrist.

My prayers are with you and for the 20 families a day that lose a loved one. Please put pressure on your elected officials to exempt the VA from the Federal hiring freeze so more Veterans and their families can be rescued from the horror and sadness of suicide.

**dcjredline** · 03-16-2017, 08:52 PM

Fellow Marine here but not anywhere near the caliber of your dad! Wow, that must have been really hard for him! I thank him for what he did and suffered for this country! What was his name? I know it's been a few years but I'll post it over on my old companies FB page and we will all celebrate such a great Devil Dog. I have no words to help you with YOUR pain and that was really bad of him to put that on you! I can't imagine that pain. Semper Fi to him and your whole family!!! You've been through a lot. This will eventually get better enough that you can deal with it better! Celebrate him on the Marine Corps Birthday every year maybe that will help (I hope not make it worse) November 10th. Again, very sorry for your loss.
(Former)Cpl. Don Johnson.

**ronkh57** · 03-16-2017, 08:53 PM

I'm at a complete loss for words...

So I'll just say I'm sorry.

**ScottH** · 03-16-2017, 08:54 PM

Jeremy,

You have tons of inner strength for posting this, and I am sorry for your pain. My Dad too was a Vietnam Vet and I lost him 2 years ago. You said it right - the pain never goes away. Because you feel pain means that you cared about your Dad and loved him no matter what. It's perfectly normal to give him extra thought each time this year - don't fight that. Tonight give your wife and kids an extra special squeeze knowing you are all together for each other.

Chin up my friend,
ScottH