BILL
07-30-2006, 11:23 AM
FIVE SMART-ASS WINNING ANSWERS
The 5 winning smart ass answers for 2006...
Smart Ass Answer #5:
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check
tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the
ticket and
he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat....she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket
not
your stub."
*****************
Smart Ass Answer #4:
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store,
but
she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock
boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
*******************
Smart Ass Answer #3:
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding
rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop
said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way
without a
ticket.
***********************
Smart Ass Answer #2:
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that
reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right
ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up
for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of
his car
and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says,
"Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran
out of
gas."
***********************
AND NOW........FOR .............THE..........
#1 SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2006.........
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now
class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here
tomorrow. I
might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or
illness,
or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses
whatsoever!"
A smart ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand
and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering
from
complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering.
When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the
student, shaking her head and sweetly said
.
.
.
.
"Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
The 5 winning smart ass answers for 2006...
Smart Ass Answer #5:
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check
tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the
ticket and
he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat....she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket
not
your stub."
*****************
Smart Ass Answer #4:
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store,
but
she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock
boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
*******************
Smart Ass Answer #3:
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding
rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop
said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way
without a
ticket.
***********************
Smart Ass Answer #2:
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that
reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right
ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up
for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of
his car
and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says,
"Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran
out of
gas."
***********************
AND NOW........FOR .............THE..........
#1 SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2006.........
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now
class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here
tomorrow. I
might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or
illness,
or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses
whatsoever!"
A smart ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand
and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering
from
complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering.
When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the
student, shaking her head and sweetly said
.
.
.
.
"Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."